About Us

  Previous Lists
  Greatest Hits
  Hall of Fame

  You Really Like Us!

  Store    Privacy
  Links!   Contact

Top 5 List RSS feed
What' s this?

Members Only


  Little Fivers

Sponsored Links

Natural remedies
for people & pets

Long Lost Friends:
Used/Rare Books

The Bible Online

This site hosted by
Read by over 71 trillion people daily -- as far as YOU know.

September 20, 1999

The Top 14 Signs You Bought a
Crappy Home Security System

    1. All you get is Bob Dole standing on your porch, yelling, "HEY, you kids get off my lawn!"

    2. System attempts to bait and trap burglars using a plate of Oreos and a fishing net.

    3. The on-site security guard keeps stealing the covers.

    4. The installation crew just dropped off Macaulay Culkin, three skateboards, tar, feathers, marbles, and several gallons of paint.

    5. Voice recognition only responds when you get your Kissinger imitation *just* right.

    6. Service includes "regular patrolling by Securo the Clown."

    7. Eerily calm voice says, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Lipshitz."

    8. Instead of a traditional alarm, your system plays old Journey songs at an uncomfortably loud volume.

    9. Consists solely of a "Thou shalt not steal" sticker for your front door.

    10. System automatically phones you when it detects your belongings are being auctioned off on eBay.

    11. Every time you flush the toilet, FBI agents surround your house.

    12. "Home security -- from the people who brought you Hotmail!"

    13. System includes security cameras in your bedroom and bathroom and requires a high-speed connection to the Internet.

      and the Number 1 Signs You Bought a Crappy Home Security System...

    14. Although highly effective, the dingo pit and lava-filled moat are a bitch to maintain.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 129 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

Top5 Bomb

© Copyright 1994-2010.  All rights reserved. and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.