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September 18, 2001

The Top 12 Shark Attack Prevention Strategies

    1. Using a felt marker, write "Best Before July 2001" on your thigh.

    2. Wear a really skimpy Speedo -- no one wants to see that, not even a shark.

    3. Be sensitive to the shark's needs. Sometimes, like you and me, they just need to be held.

    4. Your startlingly realistic impression of an injured seal? Leave it in the car, dude.

    5. Always go into the water with the kid who pulls off his scabs.

    6. Wait at least thirty minutes to go swimming after eating a bucket of chum.

    7. Only swim on days Miss Cleo says it's safe.

    8. Don't let your children into the water until the sharks have filled themselves up on the neighbor's kids first.

    9. Always swim with a slower, juicier buddy.

    10. When swimming, always bring along a bottle of Zima. Just like humans, sharks hate Zima.

    11. Avoid heavy use of "Zesty Cajun Flavor" sun block.

      and the Number 1 Shark Attack Prevention Strategy...

    12. Cover yourself with pictures of Anne Heche, because not even a shark would go near that crazy-ass chick.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 88 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 1 (5th #1) Email / Website
  • Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 2
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 2 Email / Website
  • Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 3, 4
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 5 Email / Website
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 6, 11 Hall of Famer
  • Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 7 Email
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 8
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 9 Email
  • Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 10
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 12, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- Topic Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jim Larsen, Springfield, MO -- Banner tag
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Bobby Darin, The Bronx, NY -- Ambience   (explanation)

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