September 18, 2001
The Top 12 Shark Attack Prevention Strategies
- Using a felt marker, write "Best Before July 2001" on your thigh.
- Wear a really skimpy Speedo -- no one wants to see that, not even a shark.
- Be sensitive to the shark's needs. Sometimes, like you and me, they just need to be held.
- Your startlingly realistic impression of an injured seal? Leave it in the car, dude.
- Always go into the water with the kid who pulls off his scabs.
- Wait at least thirty minutes to go swimming after eating a bucket of chum.
- Only swim on days Miss Cleo says it's safe.
- Don't let your children into the water until the sharks have filled themselves up on the neighbor's kids first.
- Always swim with a slower, juicier buddy.
- When swimming, always bring along a bottle of Zima. Just like humans, sharks hate Zima.
- Avoid heavy use of "Zesty Cajun Flavor" sun block.
and the Number 1 Shark Attack Prevention Strategy...
- Cover yourself with pictures of Anne Heche, because not even a shark would go near that crazy-ass chick.
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Selected from 88 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 1 (5th #1) Email / Website
- Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 2
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 2 Email / Website
- Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 3, 4
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 5 Email / Website
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 6, 11 Hall of Famer
- Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 7 Email
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 8
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 9 Email
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 10
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 12, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- Topic Email / Hall of Famer
- Jim Larsen, Springfield, MO -- Banner tag
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Bobby Darin, The Bronx, NY -- Ambience (explanation)