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TopFive.com
Only 108 weapons-stockpiling days until Y2K!

September 15, 1999

~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's list is a Top5 Classic,
originally published on November 8, 1996.

The Top 16 Signs Your Cat is Overweight


    1. Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.

    2. Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.

    3. Always lands on her spleen.

    4. Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.

    5. Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.

    6. No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.

    7. Anna Nicole Smith fits through your kitty door without the aid of lubricants.

    8. Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.

    9. Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.

    10. It's no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.

    11. "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.

    12. Larry King keeps trying to kiss it full on the lips.

    13. Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.

    14. He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.

    15. Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat is Overweight...

    16. Has more chins than lives.

There are no Runners Up submissions for this list.




Selected from 117 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, 2, 16 (2nd #1)
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 2, 16 Email
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 2, 15
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA -- 3, Topic Email
  • Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA -- 3 Email
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 4 Email
  • Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN -- 5 Email / Website
  • Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI -- 6 Email / Website
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA -- 7, 15 Email
  • Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA -- 8
  • Matt Alford, Salem, OR -- 9
  • Sterling Smith, Houston, TX -- 10 Email
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 11 Email
  • Tisha Stacey, St. Paul, MN -- 12 Email
  • Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA -- 13 Email / Website
  • Matt Diamond, Holland, PA -- 13
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO -- 14 Email
  • R.M. Weiner, Brighton MA -- 15 Email
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 16 Email
  • Chris White, NY, NY -- Listmeister Email

Top5 Bomb

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