Gee, your list smells terrific!
September 10, 1999
The Top 12 Signs Your Football Team
Won't Get to the Super Bowl
- Your quarterback gets sacked more often than a busy hooker.
- Management's moving of the training camp to Lourdes should have been your first clue.
- I don't care how much money they paid, it's just impossible to play serious football in Mary Kaye Stadium!
- The backfield refuses to practice on Thursdays: "It's Will & Grace night!!!"
- Sportswriters compare your star running back to Sanders -- *Colonel* Sanders.
- New conditioning coach's warm-up drill: A brisk 15-minute Macarena.
- Your team is now run by the Kansas Board of Education, and they've decided not to allow tackling to be taught.
- Good news: Nobody tested positive! Bad news: It was a playbook quiz.
- You're fastest player's sprinting time is measured in fortnights.
- "Now starting at running back for the Detroit Lions, number... ah, who gives a shit?"
- Team refuses to stop holding hands -- even *after* they leave the huddle.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Football Team Won't Get to the Super Bowl...
- Even though the team shelled out $15 Million a season for "the greatest football player who's ever lived", this Pele guy can't catch worth a crap.
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Selected from 125 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL -- 1 (3rd #1) Email
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 2, 3, Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Barbara McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI -- 4 Email
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 5 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- 6 Email
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7 Email / Website
- Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD -- 8
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 9
- William Gray, Mountain View, CA -- 10
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 11
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 12
- Eric Gemunder, New York, NY -- Topic
- Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- Banner Tag, HM list name Email / Website
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Waterboys, London, England -- Ambience