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September 10, 1999

The Top 12 Signs Your Football Team
Won't Get to the Super Bowl


    1. Your quarterback gets sacked more often than a busy hooker.

    2. Management's moving of the training camp to Lourdes should have been your first clue.

    3. I don't care how much money they paid, it's just impossible to play serious football in Mary Kaye Stadium!

    4. The backfield refuses to practice on Thursdays: "It's Will & Grace night!!!"

    5. Sportswriters compare your star running back to Sanders -- *Colonel* Sanders.

    6. New conditioning coach's warm-up drill: A brisk 15-minute Macarena.

    7. Your team is now run by the Kansas Board of Education, and they've decided not to allow tackling to be taught.

    8. Good news: Nobody tested positive! Bad news: It was a playbook quiz.

    9. You're fastest player's sprinting time is measured in fortnights.

    10. "Now starting at running back for the Detroit Lions, number... ah, who gives a shit?"

    11. Team refuses to stop holding hands -- even *after* they leave the huddle.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Football Team Won't Get to the Super Bowl...

    12. Even though the team shelled out $15 Million a season for "the greatest football player who's ever lived", this Pele guy can't catch worth a crap.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 125 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL -- 1 (3rd #1) Email
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 2, 3, Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Barbara McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI -- 4 Email
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 5 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- 6 Email
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7 Email / Website
  • Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD -- 8
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 9
  • William Gray, Mountain View, CA -- 10
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 11
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 12
  • Eric Gemunder, New York, NY -- Topic
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- Banner Tag, HM list name Email / Website
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Waterboys, London, England -- Ambience

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