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TopFive.com
Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined.
September 6, 2001


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

The Miss America Pageant announced recently
that they would institute some changes
to make the event more exciting.



The Top 15 Upcoming Changes to the Miss America Pageant


    1. New special title for last place contestant: "Miss Fugly"

    2. Corporate sponsorship has turned the tiara into a paper Burger King crown.

    3. Anne Robinson hosts. "You have the smallest breasts. Goodbye!"

    4. "I'll take Miss Oklahoma to block."

    5. Steel cage matches to determine the 10 finalists.

    6. Rules for talent competition expanded to allow demonstration of fellatio skill.

    7. Mudwrestling *finally* recognized as a talent.

    8. Judge Mike Tyson will attempt to determine "Fake or Real?" using only his hands.

    9. "Talent" competition replaced by good ol' hair-pullin' catfights!

    10. Exclusive BackstageCam captures all the riveting pre-contest padding, purging and duct-taping.

    11. "Miss Indiana is a Rhodes Scholar with a hot body -- but can she eat more live insects than Miss New York? We'll find out after this message!"

    12. Confusion followed by hilarity as group photos handed out to the media are doctored to prominently include Chandra Levy.

    13. Contestant Q&A conducted by patrons of Internet fetish chat-rooms.

    14. As the 50 contestants come out one by one, the orchestra now plays a rousing arrangement of "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

      and the Number 1 Upcoming Change to the Miss America Pageant...

    15. This year's Emcee: Gary Condit

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 133 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, 2 (40th #1) Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 1 (8th #1) Email / Website
  • Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 3 Website
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 5 Email
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 6 Email
  • Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 7 Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 8, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 9
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 10, 15
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 11 Email
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 12 Website
  • Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 13 Email / Website
  • Jennifer Ford, Fort Wayne, IN -- 13 Email / Website
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 13
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 13
  • Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 13
  • Mark Schmidt, Paris, France -- 13 Email
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 14
  • Julie Smith, Denver, CO -- Topic
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Banner Tag Email
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Hole, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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