September 6, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
The Miss America Pageant announced recently
that they would institute some changes
to make the event more exciting.
The Top 15 Upcoming Changes to the Miss America Pageant
- New special title for last place contestant: "Miss Fugly"
- Corporate sponsorship has turned the tiara into a paper Burger King crown.
- Anne Robinson hosts. "You have the smallest breasts. Goodbye!"
- "I'll take Miss Oklahoma to block."
- Steel cage matches to determine the 10 finalists.
- Rules for talent competition expanded to allow demonstration of fellatio skill.
- Mudwrestling *finally* recognized as a talent.
- Judge Mike Tyson will attempt to determine "Fake or Real?" using only his hands.
- "Talent" competition replaced by good ol' hair-pullin' catfights!
- Exclusive BackstageCam captures all the riveting pre-contest padding, purging and duct-taping.
- "Miss Indiana is a Rhodes Scholar with a hot body -- but can she eat more live insects than Miss New York? We'll find out after this message!"
- Confusion followed by hilarity as group photos handed out to the media are doctored to prominently include Chandra Levy.
- Contestant Q&A conducted by patrons of Internet fetish chat-rooms.
- As the 50 contestants come out one by one, the orchestra now plays a rousing arrangement of "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
and the Number 1 Upcoming Change to the Miss America Pageant...
- This year's Emcee: Gary Condit
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 133 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, 2 (40th #1) Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 1 (8th #1) Email / Website
- Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 3 Website
- Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 5 Email
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 6 Email
- Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 7 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 8, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 9
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 10, 15
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 11 Email
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 12 Website
- Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 13 Email / Website
- Jennifer Ford, Fort Wayne, IN -- 13 Email / Website
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 13
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 13
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 13
- Mark Schmidt, Paris, France -- 13 Email
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 14
- Julie Smith, Denver, CO -- Topic
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Banner Tag Email
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Hole, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience (explanation)