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TopFive.com
Officially jumping the shark!
September 5, 2001


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

On September 5, 1996, Top 5 set a low-water mark with
our impossibly bad "Rejected Hurricane Names" list.
This masterpiece of merde quickly became the stuff of
legend, and over time has staked its rightful claim
as the worst of the nearly 1500 lists we've published.

But don't take my word for it -- see for yourself!

Now, exactly 5 years later, we've decided to get back on
the horse. That's right, never ones to leave bad enough
alone, we're going to try to improve on a classic.
Board up the windows and hide in the cellar!


The Top 20 Rejected Hurricane Names Redux


    1. Hurricane Those Who Don't Learn From History Are Doomed to Repeat It -- Earth to Chris... Do you hear me, Chris?

    2. H. Diddy

    3. McHurricane with Cheese

    4. Hurricane Burricane Banana-Fana Fo Furricane

    5. Hurricane Nancy Boy

    6. HURR1C4N3 1337 S70RM 0WNs j00!!!1!

    7. Hurricane Episode II: Attack of the Cloned Bad List

    8. Al "The Hurricane" Roker

    9. Hurricane Carolina Bane, Destroyer of Outer Banks, Leveler of Cape Hatteras, Marauder of the Tropics, Lord of All Low Pressure Systems

    10. Hurricane Honky: A Spike Lee Joint

    11. Hurricane Jenna

    12. "Hurricane Oprah touched down this morning, leaving in its path of destruction thousands of husbands and boyfriends wandering the streets in their pajamas, carrying hastily-packed suitcases, wondering just what the hell they did wrong *this* time."

    13. Hurricane-the-Pooh

    14. Tropical Storm Joe C.

    15. Hurricane Zoloft (Do not take Hurricane Zoloft unless prescribed by a doctor for Tropical Depression. Hurricane Zoloft should not be taken if you are pregnant, nursing, or taking MAO inhibitors. Hurricane Zoloft may cause dizziness and sexual side-effects.)

    16. Mr. Wheezy

    17. That Hurricane, Ms. Lewinsky

    18. Hurricane Mamet... You F*ck!

    19. Hurricane MariahBrain

      and the Number 1 Rejected Hurricane Name...

    20. Hurricane Help I'm Trapped In an Internet Humor Sweatshop Please Send Help

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 211 submissions from 76 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 1, 7 (3rd #1)
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 2, 12 Hall of Famer
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 2 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 2
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 4
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 5 Email
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 6
  • Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 6 Website
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 8 Email
  • Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 9
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 10 Hall of Famer
  • Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR -- 10
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 10 Email
  • Laurie Northrup, Syracuse, NY -- 10 Website
  • Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 11
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 13 Email
  • Steven Wilber, Pomeroy, WA -- 13 Email
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 14, 19, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 14
  • Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 15, 17 Email
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 16 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 17 Email
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 18 Email / Website
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 19 Email / Website
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 19
  • Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 19
  • Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 20 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic, List moderator Email
  • Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Banner Tag
  • Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Beck, Wallington, Surrey, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.