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August 21, 2002


In the non-news department, Lisa Marie Presley,
daughter of Elvis and ex-wife of Michael Jackson,
recently tied the knot with actor Nicolas Cage.

The Top 15 Differences Being Married
to Nicolas Cage vs. Michael Jackson

    1. "Our song" is no longer "A Whiter Shade of Pale."

    2. Nicolas's darker skin tone better compliments Lisa's complexion.

    3. With Nicolas, "gallon of bleach" isn't on the shopping list every friggin' week.

    4. Now every time Lisa Marie hums a Beatles tune, she has to pay alimony.

    5. No longer able to share underwear.

    6. Nicolas appeared in Face/Off.
      Michael is appearing in Face/Odd.

    7. Cage: Wants to have kids with Lisa Marie.
      Jackson: Wants to have kids instead of Lisa Marie.

    8. Nicolas Cage? Caucasian.
      Michael Jackson? Passed that a few shades back.

    9. Requests for "hot monkey love" aren't nearly as creepy this time around.

    10. Nicolas: Had sex with Patricia Arquette.
      Michael: Had sex with [COURT RECORDS SEALED]

    11. White make-up on the throw pillows replaced by strands of hair.

    12. Nicolas doesn't think that "make a pact" rhymes with "salvation back."

    13. Cage: Likes to get freaky after a bit of the bubbly.
      Jacko: Likes to get freaky with Bubbles.

    14. No need to adjust Nicolas's nose back into the correct position after kissing him.

      and the Number 1 Difference Being Married to Nicolas Cage vs. Michael Jackson...

    15. With the monkey out of the picture, it's harder to pass the buck after a poo-flinging fit.

Join ClubTop5 to check out the runner up submissions
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Selected from 88 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 1 (4th #1) Email / Website
  • Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 2 Email
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 3, 9 Email
  • David E. Spiro, Hong Kong, China -- 4, 14
  • Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY -- 5
  • Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 6, 8
  • Art Kinderbuch, Alexandria, VA -- 7
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 10 Email
  • Dave Juurlink, Toronto, Canada -- 11
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 12, 15, HM name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 13 Email
  • Dave O'Shea, Gilbert, AZ -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • L7, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

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