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August 16, 2002

The Top 14 Ways to Commemorate the
25th Anniversary of Elvis's Death

    1. Ingest the annual drug output of Bogota; ask W. to make you a special DEA agent.

    2. Form a coast-to-coast chain of fans joined at the pelvis.

    3. Try not to think about stroking out while taking a dump.

    4. Practice a little self love... tenderly.

    5. Go to Hawaii and win a big speedboat race, earning enough money to save your girlfriend's family business. Proceed to make out with Ann-Margret.

    6. Have Sonny and Red beat you senseless for looking at Priscilla.

    7. Burn his likeness onto a tortilla, then leave it lying around for the housekeeper to find.

    8. Fry up a batch of peanut-butter-and-Quaalude sandwiches.

    9. Wear a sequined uniform while on duty at the Post Office.

    10. Place a picture of Michael Jackson next to one of Lisa Marie. Climb into coffin. Spin.

    11. Fire off a 21-television salute.

    12. Pull out those blue suede shoes and use them to beat the Backstreet Boys to unrecognizable pulp.

    13. Dig up Richard Nixon's corpse and shake his hand.

      and the Number 1 Way to Commemorate the 25th Anniversary of Elvis's Death...

    14. Order an "Elvis Memorial Death-Day Sterling Silver Stool" from the Franklin Mint.

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Selected from 113 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 1 (7th #1) Email
  • Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 2 Email
  • Kristie Black, Toronto, Canada -- 3
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 4, 13, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 4
  • Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 5, 14 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 5, HM list name
  • Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL -- 5 Email
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7, 8 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 7 Email
  • Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 9 Email / Website
  • Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT -- 10
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 11
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 12
  • Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Public Enemy, Long Island, NY -- Ambience   (explanation)

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