July 17, 2001
The Top 15 Signs Your Garage Needs to be Cleaned
- Picard and an Away Team beam down and phaser it into rubble, mistaking it for a Borg laboratory.
- Somewhere behind all the boxes, Anne Heche and the neighborhood cats are hissing at each other.
- Your annual method of letting it spontaneously catch on fire and sweeping out the ash is ticking off the fire department.
- The Vatican has shown a strong interest in the Shroud of Bob's Garage.
- It just entered itself in the heavyweight division on BattleBots.
- President Bush has ID'd the oil stains on the floor as an alternate energy source.
- I don't care what mortgage company you use, they're not going to ask for paycheck stubs from anything earlier than the Eisenhower administration.
- After tunneling for two days, you found the fridge and downed a cold "Billy" beer.
- The fertilizer for your marijuana plants keeps cross-contaminating your meth lab.
- Environmentalists picket in your driveway to save the old-growth cobwebs.
- You have 12 leaf rakes with a total of 19 tines.
- Your missing son emerges twelve years after disappearing with a tale of being raised by boxes and old exercise equipment.
- The scorpions in the corners have matured to the point where they've released the inevitable "power ballad."
- Cockroaches won't go in there without 12 pairs of tiny rubber gloves on.
and the Number 1 Sign Your Garage Needs to be Cleaned...
- Giant pile of lawn jockeys makes it nearly impossible to get to your "Hall & Oates" records.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 133 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 1 (12th #1)
- Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 2 Email
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 3
- George T. MacMillan, Shillington, PA -- 4
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 5 Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 7
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 8 Email
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 9 Email
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 10, 13 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 10
- David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 11 Email / Website
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 12 Email
- Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 14 Email / Website
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 15
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Topic Email
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- Runner Up list name
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Honorable Mention list name Email
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Frank Zappa, Baltimore, MD -- Ambience (explanation)