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TopFive.com
1969 Lakeview Elementary Spelling Bee Champions!
July 17, 2001


The Top 15 Signs Your Garage Needs to be Cleaned


    1. Picard and an Away Team beam down and phaser it into rubble, mistaking it for a Borg laboratory.

    2. Somewhere behind all the boxes, Anne Heche and the neighborhood cats are hissing at each other.

    3. Your annual method of letting it spontaneously catch on fire and sweeping out the ash is ticking off the fire department.

    4. The Vatican has shown a strong interest in the Shroud of Bob's Garage.

    5. It just entered itself in the heavyweight division on BattleBots.

    6. President Bush has ID'd the oil stains on the floor as an alternate energy source.

    7. I don't care what mortgage company you use, they're not going to ask for paycheck stubs from anything earlier than the Eisenhower administration.

    8. After tunneling for two days, you found the fridge and downed a cold "Billy" beer.

    9. The fertilizer for your marijuana plants keeps cross-contaminating your meth lab.

    10. Environmentalists picket in your driveway to save the old-growth cobwebs.

    11. You have 12 leaf rakes with a total of 19 tines.

    12. Your missing son emerges twelve years after disappearing with a tale of being raised by boxes and old exercise equipment.

    13. The scorpions in the corners have matured to the point where they've released the inevitable "power ballad."

    14. Cockroaches won't go in there without 12 pairs of tiny rubber gloves on.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Garage Needs to be Cleaned...

    15. Giant pile of lawn jockeys makes it nearly impossible to get to your "Hall & Oates" records.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 133 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 1 (12th #1)
  • Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 2 Email
  • Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 3
  • George T. MacMillan, Shillington, PA -- 4
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 5 Email
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- 7
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 8 Email
  • Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 9 Email
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 10, 13 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 10
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 11 Email / Website
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 12 Email
  • Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 14 Email / Website
  • John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 15
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Topic Email
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- Runner Up list name
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Honorable Mention list name Email
  • John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Frank Zappa, Baltimore, MD -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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