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July 11, 2001

The Top 15 Least Useful Scientific Experiments

    1. Determining What Microwave Oven Setting Will Cause Dick Cheney's Implant to Perform the Drum Solo from "Wipeout"

    2. If you hold up a 250 mile-tall drinking straw, will the vacuum of space suck out the atmosphere through the straw into space?

    3. Discovering the Human Factor Behind Termination of Canine Incarceration: Who Let the Dogs Out?

    4. Determining the Optimal Environment for Belly Button Lint Growth

    5. Supersaturation: How Many Items Can Appear On A 5-Item List?

    6. Jennifer Lopez's Ass: Particle or Wave?

    7. Determining Genetic Combination of Radically Different Morphologies (aka Why Cameron Diaz Should Have Sex With Me)

    8. Does Jay Leno's jaw get bigger as David Letterman's hair recedes?

    9. Classification and Measurement of Arbo-Rectal Implants: How Far Up Tom DeLay's Ass Does That Stick Really Go?

    10. Marmota Monax and Forest Product Propulsion: Just Exactly How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck?

    11. Detecting the Chemical Composition of Mike Tyson Just Before His Next Fight

    12. Measuring the Cheez Whiz Capacity of MC Hammer's Pants

    13. The Avian Defecation/Automotive Cleanliness Nexis: A Study in the Guano Production as a Function of "Car Wash" Proximity

    14. Monkeys, Jerry Springer Guests and Typewriters: Is "Hamlet" in Their Future?

      and the Number 1 Least Useful Scientific Experiment...

    15. T'n'A Sequencing

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 120 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 1 (14th #1) Email / Website
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 2, 3, 6 Email
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 4, 15
  • Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 5 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Jesse Weiss, Dallas, TX -- 6 Website
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 6
  • John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 7
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 8 Email / Website
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 9 Email / Website
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 10, 11, Topic Website
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 11 Email / Website
  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 12 Email / Website
  • Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 13 Email
  • Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN -- 14 Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- List moderator, Honorable Mention name
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Oingo Boingo, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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