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TopFive.com
Officially sanctioned by the New Jersey Mafia
May 24, 2001


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

Recently, a scientist successfully transplanted a whole
head from one monkey onto another. See the story here.
Which leads us to today's topic...


The Top 15 Signs Your Prom Date
May Have a Transplanted Monkey Brain


    1. After the prom, he insists on taking you to the top of the Empire State Building.

    2. Instead of leaving it in the dumpster, carries her newly delivered baby to the top of the nearest fake palm tree and flings it into the horror-stricken crowd.

    3. The evening ends in the ER after she tries to peel your erection.

    4. Pins the corsage to your lapel with her feet.

    5. Arrives to pick you up on a unicycle.

    6. Day job is as typist in office with 999,999 other playwrights.

    7. His apish hooting and chair throwing have offended even Bobby Knight.

    8. Insists you call him Doctor Zaias.

    9. Just as you're about to let him get to second base during the slow dance, Charlton Heston bursts in and screams, "Get your paws off her, you DAMN DIRTY APE!!"

    10. Tux? Check.
      Corsage? Check.
      Diaper and roller skates? Uh-oh.

    11. Keeps threatening people with "Just wait until my next bowel movement!"

    12. Ends the evening early by saying, "I'm sorry, Pongo, but I promised Mrs. Goodall I'd have you back by Midnight."

    13. It takes ten chaperones waving shiny objects to get her down from the scoreboard.

    14. When the DJ played "Shock The Monkey," he curled into a fetal position and screamed, "I'M NOT GOING BACK!"

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Prom Date May Have a Transplanted Monkey Brain...

    15. You have your assistant Jim loosen her up with tranquilizer darts before the big slow dance.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 138 submissions from 51 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 1 (4th #1) Email / Website
  • Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 2, 7 Email
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 3 Email
  • Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 4 Website
  • Mark Schmidt, Paris, France -- 5 Email
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 6, Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • George T. MacMillan, Shillington, PA -- 8
  • Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 9
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 10 Email
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 10
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 11 Email / Website
  • Pam Pickard, North Canton, OH -- 11
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 14 Email
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 15 Hall of Famer
  • Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- Topic Email / Website
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
  • Pat McCarley, Missouri City, TX -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Peter Gabriel, London, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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