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May 21, 2001

The Top 15 Tips for Dating the Daughter of a Mafia Guy

    1. Get on her dad's good side by offering to start his car.

    2. You might want to keep the fact that you're allergic to pasta to yourself.

    3. Rest assured that if the two of you party too much, her father's men will be there to bail you out -- just like the President's daughter!

    4. Keep the salami in its package.

    5. Pre-break your kneecaps to render future threats pointless.

    6. When her father asks how much interest you have in his daughter, offer a figure of at least 40%.

    7. Remember, the 8mm Glock goes to the *right* of the dessert spoon.

    8. "Getting whacked" is not the same as getting a hand job.

    9. Chances are that her father won't be amused by the cotton balls in your mouth.

    10. Learn to hold your breath underwater for 3-4 weeks.

    11. Hands off or YOU become a soprano.

    12. When her father asks if you're "using protection," show him a pistol, *not* a condom.

    13. "Big Pussy" jokes aren't really appreciated.

      and the Number 1 Tip for Dating the Daughter of a Mafia Guy...

    14. Before complimenting her father's moustache, be absolutely certain it IS her father.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 122 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 1, 3 (16th #1)
  • Pat Sajak, Los Angeles, CA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!) Website
  • Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 2 Email / Website
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 3 Hall of Famer
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 3 Email / Website
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 3
  • Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 3
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 4 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 5 Email
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 6, Honorable Mention lis Email / Website
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 7 Email
  • J. Hutter, San Francisco, CA -- 7
  • Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 8
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 9 Email / Website
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11 Email / Website
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 12 Hall of Famer
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 13
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 14 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Billy Joel, Hicksville, Long Island, NY -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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