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Watching the game. Reading the list. True, true.
May 18, 2000

The Top 17 Big Surprises in CBS' Jesus Mini-Series

    1. Peter, Paul and Mary were a threesome *long* before the musical group.

    2. Unknown to his followers, Jesus often flew in First Class.

    3. Jesus confuses the apostles by claiming, "2000 years from now I'm going to help Kurt Warner lead the Rams to a Super Bowl win!"

    4. Lazarus brought back to life by chicken soup.

    5. On the third day after the Crucifixion, Mary Magdalene wakes up to find Jesus in the shower and realizes that it was all just a dream.

    6. All 12 apostles were played by Baldwin brothers.

    7. Jesus' two brothers, Felipe and Matty, were actually *better* saviors.

    8. God is portrayed as a deity who "plays by the book," and Jesus as rebellious renegade who "cuts corners and gets the job done with street smarts."

    9. The "H"? It stands for "Harvey."

    10. Brief appearance by Mahir as the excitable Turkish disciple.

    11. When Jesus stands on a chariot's dashboard, someone comments, "Hey! He looks really good up there!"

    12. Pontius Pilate plays to the crowd by asking, "Is that your final answer?"

    13. Instead of turning water in wine, Jesus buys the house a round of Jaegermeister shots.

    14. Product placement reaches a new low when Pontius Pilate's nephew, Palm Pilate, implores the crowd: "Wash your hands of missed appointments!"

    15. Samuel L. Jackson stars Jesus' Roman sidekick, Shafticus.

    16. When the Last Supper check arrives, nobody's all that enthusiastic about picking it up.

      and the Number 1 Big Surprise in CBS' "Jesus" Mini-Series...

    17. To avoid a "TV-MA" rating for excessive violence, Jesus is hung on the cross with duct tape.

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