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TopFive.com
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May 17, 2001


The Top 16 Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western
(Part II)


    1. "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"

    2. "Gentlemen: Rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

    3. "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."

    4. "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

    5. "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

    6. "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

    7. "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."

    8. "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

    9. "Who let the dogies out?"

    10. "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

    11. "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"

    12. "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

    13. "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"

    14. "Dammit, Jake, yer an enabler!"

    15. "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."

      and the Number 1 Line You'll Never Hear in a Western...

    16. "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 167 submissions from 62 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 1, 3, 13 (30th #1 / Hat Trick!) Email / Hall of Famer
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 2 Email / Website
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 4, 6, 7 (Hat Trick!) Email
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 4, 7, 16 (Hat Trick!) Website
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 4, 10
  • Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 4
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 4
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 4 Email
  • Jim Key, Rowlett, TX -- 4
  • Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email / Website
  • Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 4 Email
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 4 Email
  • J. Hutter, San Francisco, CA -- 4
  • Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 4
  • Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 5, Topic
  • Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 7
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 8 Email / Website
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 9
  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 11, 14 Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 12, List moderator Email
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 15 Hall of Famer
  • Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Banner Tag
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Thin Lizzy, Dublin, Ireland -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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