May 17, 2001
The Top 16 Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western
- "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!"
- "Gentlemen: Rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."
- "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."
- "Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"
- "Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice prairie breeze, just you 'n' me... what say we put on the rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"
- "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"
- "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."
- "Let's see... hardtack and pemmican... that's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."
- "Who let the dogies out?"
- "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."
- "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"
- "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."
- "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"
- "Dammit, Jake, yer an enabler!"
- "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."
and the Number 1 Line You'll Never Hear in a Western...
- "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!! ...Okay, now a little to the left... oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"
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Selected from 167 submissions from 62 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 1, 3, 13 (30th #1 / Hat Trick!) Email / Hall of Famer
- David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 2 Email / Website
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 4, 6, 7 (Hat Trick!) Email
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 4, 7, 16 (Hat Trick!) Website
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 4, 10
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 4
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 4
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 4 Email
- Jim Key, Rowlett, TX -- 4
- Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email / Website
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 4 Email
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 4 Email
- J. Hutter, San Francisco, CA -- 4
- Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 4
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 5, Topic
- Charles Gulledge, Richardson, TX -- 7
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 8 Email / Website
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 9
- Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 11, 14 Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 12, List moderator Email
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 15 Hall of Famer
- Jim Griffith, Sunnyvale, CA -- Banner Tag
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Thin Lizzy, Dublin, Ireland -- Ambience (explanation)