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March 30, 1999

The Top 11 Differences in the Middle Ages
if Microsoft Had Existed Then


    1. Chastity belts require a password rather than a key.

    2. Last year's pitchfork not compatible with this year's hay.

    3. Lord Gates claims he has no memory of any memo describing his intention to "wipeth my arse with the Magna Carta."

    4. The "Good Plague" hoax.

    5. Horses routinely stop in mid-stride, and require a boot to the rear to start again.

    6. The Microsoft Rack would work, but it would be 3 times larger than it should be and never completely kill anyone.

    7. Forget about William Tell; William Gates shoots Apple off the head of Steve Jobs.

    8. Use of a large, clumsy broadsword instead of yet-to-be-invented scissors helps explain Lord Bill's haircut.

    9. Archbishop of Canterbury gets hit in the face with a cream pie.

    10. Stained Glass Windows MCCCXLV actually not released until Spring of MCCCXLVI.

      and the Number 1 Difference in the Middle Ages if Microsoft Had Existed Then...

    11. The Y1K bug threatens to cripple high-tech industries, like stonemasonry and weaving.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 130 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Josh Robertson, Bronx, NY -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2, 4, Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 2 Email
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 2 Email
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 3 Email
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 5
  • Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 6 Email
  • JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA -- 7 Email
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 8
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 9 Email
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 10 Email
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA -- Topic Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jethro Tull, London, England -- Ambience

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