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March 26, 1999

The Top 14 Signs You weren't Cut Out
to be a Hollywood Stunt Person

    1. Healthy dose of common sense, combined with a strong instinct for self-preservation.

    2. Sure, you're a hunchback, but you hate the sound of bells.

    3. Your specialties: shouting "missed me!" after being shot with a blank and pausing mid-stunt to wave at the camera.

    4. With Chris Farley gone, there isn't much call for a 5'6", 275-lb. guy who specializes in falling on his head.

    5. Your faked punches are so bad even the WWF wouldn't hire you.

    6. Every stunt requires multiple takes because your catheter line keeps getting tangled up in your crutches.

    7. Your plan for high altitude jumps is to keep moving your legs and not make the fatal mistake of looking down and triggering gravity.

    8. The only stunt-double work you've actually done was drinking some post-expiration date milk for the Olsen twins.

    9. "Squibs? I misunderstood. I got a pocketful of *squids* here!"

    10. Still can't shake childhood nickname of "Splat."

    11. Director not impressed by Mommy's note pinned to your shirt outlining your food allergies.

    12. You may look like Nick Nolte, but that leftist Hollywood crowd will never forgive you for taping poor Monica.

    13. A disgusted Claire Danes shoves you aside and says, "Never mind. I'll do it myself."

      and the Number 1 Sign You weren't Cut Out to be a Hollywood Stunt Person...

    14. Your wife, Soon Yi, doesn't like action flicks.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 141 submissions from 51 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 1 (8th #1)
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 3
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 4 Email
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 5 Email
  • Chris Gleason, Gaithersburg, MD -- 6
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 7 Email / Website
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 8 Email
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 9
  • Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA -- 10 Email / Website
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 11 Email
  • Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 12 Email
  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 12 Email / Website
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 13 Email
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 14 Email / Website
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Topic Email
  • Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner Tag
  • Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Tom Petty, Gainesville, FL -- Ambience

Top5 Bomb

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