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March 26, 2003

The Top 14 Signs Your SUV Is Too Damn Big
(Part I)

    1. Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as "downsizing."

    2. Before go you out, you have to file for a parade permit.

    3. You're the first one in your neighborhood to own a 2004 Halliburton-Savior S-Class.

    4. It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into its orbit.

    5. There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back seat.

    6. It doubles as a carport for your Taurus.

    7. It's great for soccer moms, since the back seat folds down into an entire field, complete with goals.

    8. You need a Sherpa and an oxygen tank to reach the driver's seat.

    9. Your buddy riding shotgun is in a different time zone.

    10. Mortgage payment = $2200. Texaco card payment = $2201.

    11. When you pull up to the pharmacy window, they already have the package of extra small condoms bagged and ready to go.

    12. You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately.

    13. Due to new military intel that has narrowed the search down to the inside of your vehicle, President Bush remains confident that Osama Bin Laden will someday be found.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your SUV Is Too Damn Big...

    14. The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.

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Selected from 130 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Chun Ho, Honolulu, HI -- 1 (4th #1)
  • Brandon Muller, Las Vegas, NV -- 2
  • Chris Urich, Herkimer, NY -- 3
  • Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 4
  • Wayne Kierstead, Clackamas, OR -- 5
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 6, 7, 11, Topic (Hat Trick!)
  • Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 6
  • Carolyn Rosser, Washington, DC -- 7
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 8, 13 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 8
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 9 Email
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 10 Website
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 12
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 14 Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Honorable Mention list name
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Mem Shannon, New Orleans, LA -- Ambience   (explanation)

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