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TopFive.com
Co-Starring Steve Buscemi as The Creepy Guy

March 24, 1999

~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
NOTES: Crayola Crayons recently decided to rename their "Indian Red" crayon because some people thought the name was offensive to Native Americans.
Although Crayola explained that the name originated from a pigment found near India, the pressure proved too great and they decided it would be easier to rename the crayon.

Of course, Top5 has some suggestions. Lots of them...

The Top 18 Alternative Names for
Crayola's "Indian Red" Crayon


    1. Crack Ho Lipstick Red

    2. Better-Dead-Than Red

    3. The Smudge That Daddy Washes Off His Collar Right After a Business Trip Before Mom Sees Them Red

    4. We Got a Bleeder Here! Red

    5. Areola

    6. McCarthy Red Scare

    7. Rockingham Bloody Glove Red

    8. Jesse Helms's Neck Red

    9. Systematically Oppressed Indigenous People Who have Been Shafted Out of Land and Portrayed in a Comically Inaccurate Manner Red

    10. Extra-Tender, Rare Veal Red

    11. Broken Blood Vessels in Ted Kennedy's Face Red

    12. Caved Into Uninformed Politically Correct Nimrods Red

    13. Embarrassed Drunken Fighting Irishman Red

    14. Baboon Ass Scarlet

    15. Enormous Swollen Erection Red

    16. Genital-Rash Vermilion

    17. Paleface Blood

      and the Number 1 Alternative Name for Crayola's "Indian Red" Crayon...

    18. Niggardly Crimson

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 178 submissions from 64 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 1 (17th #1)
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 2 Email
  • Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 3
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 4 Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 4, Honorable Mention list name Email
  • Kevin Hawley, Fairless Hills, PA -- 5 Email
  • Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 5 Email
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 5
  • Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC -- 5, 12
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 6, 11 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 7 Email
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 7 Email
  • Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA -- 7, 16
  • JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA -- 8 Email
  • Tom Louderback, Boston, MA -- 8 Email
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 8 Hall of Famer
  • Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 9 Email
  • Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 10, 18 Email / Website
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN -- 12 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 12 Email / Website
  • Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY -- 13 Email
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 14
  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 14 Email
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 15, 17 Email
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 17
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 17 Email
  • Felicia Watson, Colorado Springs, CO -- 17 Email
  • Larry Higgs, beautiful Dover, NJ -- Topic
  • M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- Topic Email
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Banner Tag Email
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • King Crimson, Pink Floyd & Simply Red, London, England -- Ambience

Top5 Bomb

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