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March 22, 1999

NOTES: Today's moderator, Geoff Brown, has been a Top5 contributor
since the summer of 1994. When he's not frittering away
valuable working time thinking up Top5 entries, he
runs his own web design company and toils for The Man.

The Top 9 Signs Your Roommate Is A Cannibal

    1. You often wake up to find your hand in a pot of warm water -- with potatoes and carrots.

    2. Always clipping those "Flabby White Guy Helper" coupons.

    3. All the empty McDonner's containers he leaves around the apartment.

    4. Maybe he said head of "lettuce" when you asked about what was wrapped up the refrigerator, but it sure sounded like "Cleatus."

    5. Every day, the same routine -- he comes home from med school and lets loose a big, loud, formaldehyde-smelling burp.

    6. Nervously changes the channel whenever "Cannibals Caught on Tape" comes on.

    7. The tubby kid from across the hall is missing; she's trying to decide which windows to click down on her Richard Simmons Food Planner.

    8. Well, *you* sure didn't buy that box of BitchQuick in the cupboard.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Roommate Is A Cannibal...

    9. When you ask what he wants on the pizza, he always says,
      "Ask if they have buttocks."

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 186 submissions from 69 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, 2 (28th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 3 Email
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 4 Email / Website
  • Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 5
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 6
  • Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 7 Email
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 8
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 9 Email
  • Beth Black, Misawa City, Japan -- 9 Email / Website
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- Runner Up list name
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- Guest moderator Email / Website
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Fine Young Cannibals, London, England -- Ambience

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