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March 15, 1999
The Top 13 Drawbacks of a Long-Distance Relationship
- You have to start faking orgasms just to keep the phone bill down.
- Disconcerting to hear a stranger breathlessly answer the phone while "Love the One You’re With" plays in the background.
- Every time you hang up, you know she's *69ing someone.
- Established pattern: Meet in airport, spend two days in custody for public lewdness.
- Now that AT&T has placed an account executive in your apartment, you’re constantly being chided for "holding back" when expressing your feelings.
- Awfully hard to storm out when you need him to drive you to the airport.
- You need an alarm clock without his "morning appendage" poking you in the back at 6AM.
- It doesn't matter who visits whom, *someone* is violating their parole.
- That "You hang up first," "No, YOU hang up first" crap is really only funny the first two or three hundred times.
- No matter how much Viagra you take, the distance is still too damn far.
- FedEx's drug-sniffing dogs, apparently unable to distinguish panties from cocaine, keep freaking over your Letter-Paks.
- That awkward moment when she faxes you home to meet Mom and Dad.
and the Number 1 Drawback of a Long-Distance Relationship...
- All of the carpal, none of the tunnel.
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Selected from 129 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 1 (3rd #1) Email
- Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL -- 2 Email / Website
- Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 3 Email
- Alan Wagner, Pittsburg, KS -- 4
- Andy Wagner, Kfar Saba, Israel -- 4
- Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 5 Email / Website
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 6, 10 Email
- M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 7, 13 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 9, 12, Runner Up list name Email
- Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN -- 11 Email / Website
- Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- Topic Email / Website
- Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner Tag
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Yes, London, England -- Ambience