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March 12, 1999

NOTES: Arch-conservative TV political gadfly Pat Buchanan has recently announced his candidacy for the Republican Party nomination for President in the year 2000.

As if that weren't funny enough, we made a list about it...

The Top 12 Pat Buchanan Campaign Promises

    1. "I'll put the White back in White House!"

    2. Christian/heathen; Straight/sodomite; Caucasian/ troublemaker; I'll teach America how to divide things into helpful categories!

    3. New right-wing PBS children's programming: "The TeleNazis"

    4. 20% across-the-board tax reduction; 30% across-the-board tolerance reduction

    5. Jesus loves you and so do I. (The preceding promise should be considered null and void in West Hollywood, South Beach, Fire Island and Key West.)

    6. Will annex Sudatenland, invade Poland.

    7. Will appoint an Independent Counsel to investigate "those Jews."

    8. To build a wall across the Canadian border to keep out those damn Frostbacks.

    9. Right after deer season -- abortion clinic worker season!

    10. Special inaugural wipe of his ass on the Bill of Rights.

    11. Appoint a special legislative committee to look into this "All men are created equal" crap.

      and the Number 1 Pat Buchanan Campaign Promise...

    12. Whip that liberal pinko Jesse Helms into shape.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 93 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 1 (8th #1) Email / Website
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 2
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 3 Email
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 4 Email
  • Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY -- 5 Email
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 6, 9 Email / Website
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7, 12 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 7 Email
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 8
  • Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 10 Email
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 11
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 12
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 12 Hall of Famer
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- Topic Email / Hall of Famer
  • Gary Smith, Florissant, CO -- Banner Tag
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Marilyn Manson, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer

Top5 Bomb

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