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March 10, 2000


The Top 14 Signs a Game Show Host is Nuts


    1. "I remind contestants to please phrase responses in the form of an exclamation used during torture."

    2. "Your choice is 'D'? WRONG! NO SOUP FOR YOU!!"

    3. Keeps insisting the bonus round is played in his pants.

    4. Responds to all the contestants' answers with, "You're one breath closer to dying and have control of the board, Skippy."

    5. You're not sure why the category "Presidential Trivia" should have the question "WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE THEY *INSIDE MY HEAD?!!!*"

    6. Will only ask questions by licking the mike in Morse Code.

    7. Breaks from the game to waggle his finger at the camera and challenge "that bastard Trebek" to a no-holds-barred cage match.

    8. Insists you phrase every answer in the form of a sonnet.

    9. "The imperialist dogs who rule this parody of a contest have proclaimed that you are incorrect."

    10. "Vanna, will you please tell our guests... HOW THEY'RE GOING TO DIE! ...MWAA-HAA-HAA-HAAA!"

    11. His "toupee" is actually a heavily-sedated marmoset.

    12. Every time you answer correctly, he gets a goofy look on his face and starts humping your leg.

    13. Screams, "It's *them* again!!!" whenever the audience breaks out in applause.

      and the Number 1 Sign a Game Show Host is Nuts...

    14. "And for a million dollars, here's the question: With my genitalia tucked in between my legs like so, could I pass for a woman?"

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!


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Selected from 160 submissions from 56 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 1 (17th #1) Email
  • Beth Gaynor, Columbus, OH -- 2, 6 Email / Website
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 3, 12
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 4
  • Joseph Banks, Greenwich, UK -- 5
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 7 Email / Website
  • Ross Brown, Seattle, WA -- 7 Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT -- 7 Email
  • Peter Rogers, Louisville, KY -- 8, 10
  • Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 9
  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 10, 14 Email
  • Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 11 Email / Website
  • Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- 12 Website
  • Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA -- 13, Topic Email
  • Rob Ahnemann, Nacogdoches, TX -- Banner tag
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- List moderator
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Greg Kihn, Baltimore, MD -- Ambience   (explanation)

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