Episode 3042: Gilligan screws up again
March 9, 1999
The Top 14 Special Powers of the Young Darth Vader
- Using the Force, young Darth could unhook a bra on the other side of the planet.
- Could hack into Death Star mainframe to vaporize his violin teacher's house.
- The power to cause volcanic pimple eruptions on the faces of his mortal enemies.
- Could make Obi-Wan Kenobi pee his pants by sneaking in his room and putting his hand in warm water.
- Ability to sweet-talk girls into "rubbing his helmet."
- For a white boy, he does a pretty damn good James Earl Jones impression.
- Astounding dodge ball prowess combined with "take no prisoners" attitude resulted in many a beheaded opponent.
- The old Jedi "your lunch money is mine" trick.
- Ability to emit a powerful protective force-field after only one bean burrito.
- Won the high school talent show every year by making the vice principal writhe in pain.
- Ability to activate "Trouser Saber" at will.
- The uncanny ability to make all the hottest babes believe that through the constant application of love and understanding *they* can change him.
- "You don't need to see my I.D. You know I'm old enough to buy beer."
and the Number 1 Special Power of the Young Darth Vader...
- Pasty skin + jet-black wardrobe + intense aura of impending doom = Goth babe magnet!
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 141 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Zach Garland, Dallas, TX -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 1, 2 (5th #1)
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 1 (4th #1) Email
- Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 2, 8, 14 Email
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 2, 9
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 2, 14 Email / Website
- Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC -- 2
- Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- 2 Email / Website
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 2 Email
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 3
- Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 4 Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
- Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA -- 6 Email / Website
- Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- 7, 12, Topic Email / Website
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7, 12 Email
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- 7 Email
- Diana Heche, Santa Monica, CA -- 7 Email
- Beth Black, Misawa City, Japan -- 9 Email / Website (Rookie!)
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 10, 14 Email / Hall of Famer
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 11 Email / Website
- Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 12
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 12
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 13 Email / Website
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 14
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 14 Email
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 14, Honorable Mention list name
- Eric Foster, Altamonte Springs, FL -- Banner Tag
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name Email
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Meco Monardo, Italy? -- Ambience