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TopFive.com
Episode 3042: Gilligan screws up again

March 9, 1999

The Top 14 Special Powers of the Young Darth Vader


    1. Using the Force, young Darth could unhook a bra on the other side of the planet.

    2. Could hack into Death Star mainframe to vaporize his violin teacher's house.

    3. The power to cause volcanic pimple eruptions on the faces of his mortal enemies.

    4. Could make Obi-Wan Kenobi pee his pants by sneaking in his room and putting his hand in warm water.

    5. Ability to sweet-talk girls into "rubbing his helmet."

    6. For a white boy, he does a pretty damn good James Earl Jones impression.

    7. Astounding dodge ball prowess combined with "take no prisoners" attitude resulted in many a beheaded opponent.

    8. The old Jedi "your lunch money is mine" trick.

    9. Ability to emit a powerful protective force-field after only one bean burrito.

    10. Won the high school talent show every year by making the vice principal writhe in pain.

    11. Ability to activate "Trouser Saber" at will.

    12. The uncanny ability to make all the hottest babes believe that through the constant application of love and understanding *they* can change him.

    13. "You don't need to see my I.D. You know I'm old enough to buy beer."

      and the Number 1 Special Power of the Young Darth Vader...

    14. Pasty skin + jet-black wardrobe + intense aura of impending doom = Goth babe magnet!

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 141 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Zach Garland, Dallas, TX -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
  • Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 1, 2 (5th #1)
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 1 (4th #1) Email
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 2, 8, 14 Email
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 2, 9
  • Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 2, 14 Email / Website
  • Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC -- 2
  • Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- 2 Email / Website
  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 2 Email
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 3
  • Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 4 Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA -- 6 Email / Website
  • Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- 7, 12, Topic Email / Website
  • Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7, 12 Email
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- 7 Email
  • Diana Heche, Santa Monica, CA -- 7 Email
  • Beth Black, Misawa City, Japan -- 9 Email / Website (Rookie!)
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 10, 14 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 11 Email / Website
  • Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 12
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 12
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 13 Email / Website
  • Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 14
  • Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 14 Email
  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 14, Honorable Mention list name
  • Eric Foster, Altamonte Springs, FL -- Banner Tag
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Meco Monardo, Italy? -- Ambience

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