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March 8, 1999

The Top 14 Features of the Pentium III Chip


    1. Automatically removes copyright notices attached to humor lists.

    2. Minesweeper now runs really, really, *really* fast.

    3. Garunteed 100% Mathomaticly Ackurat

    4. Far superior to its brothers, Pentium III Rob and Pentium III Ernie.

    5. Goes great with Pentium III salsa!

    6. Converts your 3-month-old, $2000 computer into a handy boat anchor.

    7. In benchmark tests against other chips, it consistently delivered vastly higher prices.

    8. First processor to be made entirely out of Havarti cheese and raisins.

    9. Now Featuring, "Good ol' Vulcan Logic"

    10. Like all Pentiums, it provides its own fireworks at Midnight, January 1, 1999.

    11. In anticipation of Y10K, all years are stored as Roman numerals.

    12. Secretly monitors the Internet for new porn sites, which are then automatically added to the President's bookmark file.

    13. Runs at a blazing 600 EthelMertz per second!

      and the Number 1 Feature of the Pentium III Chip...

    14. Allows net geeks to go twice as long without human contact.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 123 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 1 (4th #1)
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 2 Email / Website
  • Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 3, 4 Email
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 5, 11
  • Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- 6 Email / Website
  • Rich Taylor, Arlington, VA -- 7 Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 9 Email / Website
  • Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 9, 13, Topic
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 10
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 10 Email
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 10 Email
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- 10 Email
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 12 Email
  • Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR -- 14
  • Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner Tag
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Honorable Mention list name Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Mighty Purple, New Haven, CT -- Ambience Email / Website

Top5 Bomb

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