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February 18, 2000

The World Wrestling Federation has announced
plans to start its own pro football league.
The folks behind the pro wrestling phenomenon
have named their project the XFL,
and say they will begin play in 2001.

We here at TopFive were wondering how
it will differ from *real* pro football...

The Top 13 Differences in the WWF's New Football League

    1. Two-point conversion now involves a tire iron, a bicycle chain and a sixteen-foot banquet table.

    2. Challenged rulings are reviewed by the Kansas State Board of Education.

    3. All that murder, spousal abuse, solicitation, drug abuse, assault and spoiled rich athlete stuff? Staged.

    4. Helmets and shoulder pads? THEY'RE FOR WUSSES!!!

    5. XFL sponsors the Punch, Whup Ass, and Kick-to-the-Groin competition for kids.

    6. Winning coach's "Gatorade shower" replaced with folding chair over the head of the losing coach.

    7. "Stone Cold Steve Long-Snapper" not nearly as popular as he used to be.

    8. Sudden death now involves copious amounts of fake blood.

    9. NFL: A mass of Neanderthals with an IQ near zero.
      XFL: A mass of Neanderthals with an IQ below zero.

    10. Due to use of steel cage, pre-game coin toss is much bloodier than NFL counterpart.

    11. Field goal: 3 points.
      Kicking opposing QB's head through goalposts: 12 points.

    12. During the championship game's halftime show, thousands cheer wildly as Whitney Houston is given a piledriver.

      and the Number 1 Difference in the WWF's New Football League...

    13. Less foot, more balls.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 118 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 1 (11th #1) Email
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 2 Email
  • Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 3 Email / Website
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 4, 7, 13 (Hat trick!)
  • Jesse Weiss, St. Paul, MN -- 4, 6
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 4
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 5 Email
  • Ross Brown, Seattle, WA -- 8 Email
  • Chris Jones, Snellville, GA -- 9 Email / Website
  • Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 10
  • Beth Gaynor, Columbus, OH -- 10 Email / Website
  • Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 11 Email / Website
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 12 Email
  • Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- Topic, Runner Up list name
  • Ron Knight, Chapel Hill, NC -- Topic
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- Banner Tag Email
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Smash Mouth, San Jose, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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