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February 16, 2000

The Top 15 Surprises in Last Night's
Republican Primary Debate

    1. Audience quick-poll showed that 36% of Americans have at one time been married to Larry King.

    2. "...and we'd like to thank Mr. Quayle for his help with the valet parking tonight."

    3. Using a moist towelette, Larry King unsuccessfully attempts to wipe the smirk off George W. Bush's face.

    4. With Forbes out of the running, Alan Keyes cruises to an easy victory in the swimsuit competition.

    5. Special guest Strom Thurmond wows the crowd by doing a dozen one-armed push-ups.

    6. In a freak suspender accident, John McCain is nearly blinded as Larry King bends over to kiss his ass.

    7. McCain: Boxers
      Keyes: Briefs
      Bush: Confederate flag

    8. None of the candidates seemed very comfortable with Larry's question, "How would you feel if your daughter came home and told you she was marrying a seventy year old with his own talk show?"

    9. Keyes sets his podium on fire, yet still fails to gain any attention from disinterested public.

    10. Every time a candidate says, "I disagree," an inebriated Larry King shouts, "Circle gets the square!!!"

    11. Bush claims that, although he spoke at Bob Jones University, he didn't inhale.

    12. A topless Steve Forbes dances around the stage with "Soy Bomb" written on his chest.

    13. A frazzled Bush arrives 45 minutes late, claiming that he "took a wrong turn in East Carolina."

    14. After the debate, Barbara Bush invites all the candidates to pile into the minivan for a Dairy Queen run.

      and the Number 1 Surprise in Last Night's Republican Primary Debate...

    15. "I worked with George Bush, I knew George Bush, and Governor, you're no Geor... DOH!!!"

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 147 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 1 (25th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
  • Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA -- 1 (4th #1) Email
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 2
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 3 Email / Website
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4, RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 6 Email
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 7 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 8 Hall of Famer
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 9, Banner Tag Email / Website
  • Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 9
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 10 Email
  • Ann Rosenfeld, Austin, TX -- 10
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 12
  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 13 Email
  • Kevin Hawley, Fairless Hills, PA -- 14 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 15
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic Email
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Honorable Mention list name Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Simon and Garfunkel, New York, NY -- Ambience   (explanation)

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