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February 14, 2000
The Top 14 Signs That Cupid Has Lousy Aim
- One minute, you're scoping out the new office babe. The next, you wake up in the ICU with a punctured left lung.
- Your bordering-on-psychotic obsession with the middle Hanson brother.
- You find yourself ignoring calls from Heidi Klum because there's an Ethel Merman retrospective on television.
- As big as my ass is, and not a single arrow? C'mon!
- How could he have hit Lisa Marie dead-on, but completely overshoot an already lovestruck Emmanuel Lewis?
- "Do you, Gilbert Gottfried, take this woman, Fran Drescher, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
- Not only did your first date in months refuse to stay the night, but your blow-up doll is now punctured beyond repair.
- O.J. Simpson cuts your throat and/or Amy Fisher shoots you in the head.
- Just ask Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson. Oops! Better make that Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett.
- Little known Cupid trivia: arrow in the butt, love at first sight; arrow in the knee, Microsoft shares go up two points.
- You wake up from a moment of delirium to find yourself kissing the hula girl tattoo on the bicep of the bar's bouncer.
- A lovestruck, toothless circus roustabout named Brad Pits appears on your doorstep.
- You: a beautiful 21-year-old coed;
The object of your sudden desire: a monkey named Zimby
and the Number 1 Sign That Cupid Has Lousy Aim...
- That double cheeseburger is looking so good right now, you find yourself wishing you had some Russian dressing -- and a little privacy.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 111 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 1, 7 (4th #1) Email / Website
- John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 2 Email / Website
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 3, Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 4 Email
- Don Swain, Rochester Hills, MI -- 5 Email / Website
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, Topic Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 7
- Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 8 Email
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 9 Email
- Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 10 Email
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 12
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 14
- Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- Banner Tag Email / Website
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- Runner Up list name Email
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- J. Geils Band, Boston, MA -- Ambience (explanation)