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February 14, 2000

The Top 14 Signs That Cupid Has Lousy Aim

    1. One minute, you're scoping out the new office babe. The next, you wake up in the ICU with a punctured left lung.

    2. Your bordering-on-psychotic obsession with the middle Hanson brother.

    3. You find yourself ignoring calls from Heidi Klum because there's an Ethel Merman retrospective on television.

    4. As big as my ass is, and not a single arrow? C'mon!

    5. How could he have hit Lisa Marie dead-on, but completely overshoot an already lovestruck Emmanuel Lewis?

    6. "Do you, Gilbert Gottfried, take this woman, Fran Drescher, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

    7. Not only did your first date in months refuse to stay the night, but your blow-up doll is now punctured beyond repair.

    8. O.J. Simpson cuts your throat and/or Amy Fisher shoots you in the head.

    9. Just ask Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson. Oops! Better make that Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett.

    10. Little known Cupid trivia: arrow in the butt, love at first sight; arrow in the knee, Microsoft shares go up two points.

    11. You wake up from a moment of delirium to find yourself kissing the hula girl tattoo on the bicep of the bar's bouncer.

    12. A lovestruck, toothless circus roustabout named Brad Pits appears on your doorstep.

    13. You: a beautiful 21-year-old coed;
      The object of your sudden desire: a monkey named Zimby

      and the Number 1 Sign That Cupid Has Lousy Aim...

    14. That double cheeseburger is looking so good right now, you find yourself wishing you had some Russian dressing -- and a little privacy.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 111 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 1, 7 (4th #1) Email / Website
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 2 Email / Website
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 3, Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 4 Email
  • Don Swain, Rochester Hills, MI -- 5 Email / Website
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, Topic Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 7
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 8 Email
  • Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 9 Email
  • Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 10 Email
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 12
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 13 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 14
  • Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- Banner Tag Email / Website
  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • J. Geils Band, Boston, MA -- Ambience   (explanation)

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