Defrost before opening.
February 4, 2000
The Top 14 Signs It's Way Too Cold Outside
- You leave the store with a steaming cup of cappuccino and arrive at your car with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Mocha Madness.
- Richard Simmons forced to layer two tank tops.
- Last week, you used your Super Bowl tickets as fireplace kindling.
- You walk into Starbucks, and a seal with his flippers wrapped around a latte yells at you to "Shut the f-f-friggin' door!!"
- Your hands are too frozen to type -- but fortunately, the chattering of your teeth deceives your boss.
- Sperm banks no longer found the only place to find frozen sperm.
- "Christ, Ms. Zeta-Jones, be careful! You could put an eye out with those things! "
- Your nuts are freezing -- and you're a woman!
- Jehovah's Witness at the front door offers to keep his opinions to himself in exchange for 5 minutes in front of your fireplace.
- John Rocker blames the weather on "those Eskimo bastards. "
- Alan Keyes condones same-sex cuddling.
- Linda Tripp's new parts crumble and fall off.
- The Washington Monument is only 5 feet tall.
and the Number 1 Sign It's Way Too Cold Outside...
- Cher finally puts on panties.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 142 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 1 (6th #1) Email / Website
- Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- 2 Website
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 2 Email / Website
- Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 4 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 5 Email / Website
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, HM name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 7
- Don Swain, Rochester Hills, MI -- 8 Email / Website
- Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 9 (Rookie!)
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 10 Email
- Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 11 Email (Rookie!)
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 13 Email / Website
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 14
- Laurie Northrup, Clinton, NY -- Topic Website
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- Banner Tag
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Runner Up list name Email
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Foreigner, New York, NY -- Ambience (explanation)