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February 4, 2000

The Top 14 Signs It's Way Too Cold Outside

    1. You leave the store with a steaming cup of cappuccino and arrive at your car with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Mocha Madness.

    2. Richard Simmons forced to layer two tank tops.

    3. Last week, you used your Super Bowl tickets as fireplace kindling.

    4. You walk into Starbucks, and a seal with his flippers wrapped around a latte yells at you to "Shut the f-f-friggin' door!!"

    5. Your hands are too frozen to type -- but fortunately, the chattering of your teeth deceives your boss.

    6. Sperm banks no longer found the only place to find frozen sperm.

    7. "Christ, Ms. Zeta-Jones, be careful! You could put an eye out with those things! "

    8. Your nuts are freezing -- and you're a woman!

    9. Jehovah's Witness at the front door offers to keep his opinions to himself in exchange for 5 minutes in front of your fireplace.

    10. John Rocker blames the weather on "those Eskimo bastards. "

    11. Alan Keyes condones same-sex cuddling.

    12. Linda Tripp's new parts crumble and fall off.

    13. The Washington Monument is only 5 feet tall.

      and the Number 1 Sign It's Way Too Cold Outside...

    14. Cher finally puts on panties.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 142 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 1 (6th #1) Email / Website
  • Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- 2 Website
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 2 Email / Website
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 4 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 5 Email / Website
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, HM name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 7
  • Don Swain, Rochester Hills, MI -- 8 Email / Website
  • Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 9 (Rookie!)
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 10 Email
  • Curtis Matthews, Kennesaw, GA -- 11 Email (Rookie!)
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 13 Email / Website
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 14
  • Laurie Northrup, Clinton, NY -- Topic Website
  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- Banner Tag
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Foreigner, New York, NY -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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