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February 2, 2000


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's list was compiled from submissions
sent in by our ClubTop5 subscribers.


The Top 12 Signs You're Watching a Bad Documentary


    1. Local Renaissance festival supplier has been sold out of codpieces for weeks.

    2. The danger element seems to be missing in "Stefan Erwin -- Lhasa apso Hunter!"

    3. It's about your 14 year old daughter, and appears to have been filmed with a camcorder from your neighbor's window.

    4. Narrator can't keep from giggling during dung beetle mating sequence.

    5. "The Making of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II : The Secret of the Ooze" just barely touches on Vanilla Ice's role in the movie.

    6. Harsh lullaby of the Savanna marred by overhearing Pirates of the Caribbean next door.

    7. Dramatic reenactment of The Battle of Midway sullied by shampoo bottles and panty hose hanging from the towel rod.

    8. You find yourself wishing another Priceline.com commercial with Bill Shatner singing would come on.

    9. "Sensing that danger is lurking near his cubicle, the Top5 contributor minimizes Solitaire on his desktop and reveals his spreadsheet camouflage."

    10. Too much plot and dialogue, not enough hot monkey-love.

    11. Sound effects for the battlefield re-enactments consist of Emeril Lagasse shouting "Bam!" repeatedly.

    12. "Here, in its natural habitat, the Big Mac seems no more deadly than your average order of fries."

      and the Number 1 Sign You're Watching a Bad Documentary...

    13. Tonight on the Discovery Channel, John Woo's "Caterpillars of Fury."

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 176 submissions from 92 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Bill Hewins, Ft. Thomas, KY -- 1, 12 (Woo-hoo!)
  • Jenny Rowland, Brea, CA -- 2
  • Ben Ostrowsky, Tampa, FL -- 3, Runner Up list name
  • Brian M. Klesc, Joliet, IL -- 4
  • Kevin Fox, St. Paul, MN -- 5
  • Mark H. Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 6
  • Martin Lewis, Honolulu, HI -- 7
  • Martin Bredeck, Alexandria, VA -- 8
  • Curtis H., Bowling Green Oh -- 9
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 10
  • John Lathem, Cleveland, OH -- 11
  • Derek Seabury, Boston, MA -- Honorable Mention list name
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Spinal Tap, Great Britain -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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