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TopFive.com
Where the hell are the singing cats?!

February 1, 2000


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
A bill introduced in the Mississippi state legislature
by Republican state Senator Tom King would make it illegal
for a man to appear in public when sexually aroused.
More specifically, it bans "the showing of covered
male genitals in a discernibly turgid state," and
offenders face a year in prison and a $2,000 fine.

But just how does one know this crime is being committed?


The Top 13 Signs Someone's
Breaking Mississippi's Boner Law


    1. Local Renaissance festival supplier has been sold out of codpieces for weeks.

    2. "No, that's NOT a banana in my pocket, and keep your voice down, willya?!?"

    3. On the bus to work, you are convinced that there's a midget behind you trying to rob you at gunpoint.

    4. Strategically placed "Lee surrendered, but I didn't" bumper sticker.

    5. The driver in the next lane has both hands on the wheel, yet he's still scratching his chin.

    6. That feller's parrot ain't perched on his shoulder.

    7. Cops keep asking, "Is that a $2,000 fine in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? "

    8. At a political fundraising dinner, Senator Tom King has the honor of meeting Linda Tripp for the very first time.

    9. Southern gentleman keeps his hat on his lap -- while walking.

    10. Front row seats at a Shania Twain concert? Nope. Watching as cheerleader splits a seam at the Ole Miss game? Nope. Dancing with Sis at the family picnic? Uh-oh.

    11. Local Hooters is filled with guys reciting the batting order of the '69 Mets.

    12. With an armful of groceries, Bob proudly pushes the 4th floor button in the elevator.

      and the Number 1 Sign Someone's Breaking Mississippi's Boner Law...

    13. The eyes on the suspect's "semi-formed Siamese twin" look like they were drawn on with a magic marker.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 89 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 1 (16th #1) Email
  • Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 2 Email
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN -- 3 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4, 6 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 5 Email / Website
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 7, 10 Email / Website
  • Tom Louderback, Boston, MA -- 8 Email
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 9
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 11 Email / Website
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 12 Email
  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 12, 13 Email
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 12
  • Greg Peacock, St. Paul, MN -- Topic
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- Banner Tag Email / Website
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- List moderator
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Members, Surrey, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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