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June 2, 2006




~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

Seeing as how it's Friday, and summer, and everyone
here at TopFive is feeling all Fridayish and summery,
we thought we'd go for one of our extra-long lists
today, and open the doors so everyone can see it.

ClubTop5ers, of course, are used to this treatment,
since they get ALL our delectable goodies EVERY day.
Click here for all the details on membership privileges.


Paul McCartney and his wife of four years have separated.


The Top 30 Beatles Lyrics About Divorce

  1. My attorneys, Maxwell, Silver & Hammer,
    will come down upon your head.
    My attorneys, Maxwell, Silver & Hammer,
    will make you wish that your were dead.

  2. And I don't care too much for money,
    Money can't buy me love.
    Can't buy me lo--
    Wait! What the hell am I saying?!?

  3. You'd better give me your money,
    Or I'll serve you some legal papers.
    And when we're finished with negotiations,
    You'll be broke, clown.

  4. All you need: pre-nup.
    All you need: pre-nup.
    All you need: pre-nup, yup.
    A pre-nup's all you need.

  5. Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're after half my cash.
    And maybe I'm afraid you'll probably get it.

  6. Why don't we do it in the road?
    Can you say, "Irreconcilable differences"?

  7. Hey, dude, don't be a mouse --
    Raise an objection about her blouse.
    The minute the judge gets sight of those tits,
    He'll lose his wits -- and me, my house.

  8. Happiness is a warm gun -- and much more satisfying than a court-ordered division of property.

  9. Dear Sir or Madam, will you take my case
    I used to love him now I can't stand his face.
    Bathes on occasion, maybe once a year,
    Man, I hate the slob, so I'm looking for a good divorce lawyer.

  10. Yesterday, alimony seemed so far away.
    Now it looks as though I'll pay and pay.
    Where's my pre-nup from yesterday?

  11. I have to admit it's getting bitter.
    It's getting bitterer all the time.

  12. I saw a lawyer today, oh boy.
    Ten thousand pounds for only half an hour.
    The news he offered made me sad:
    "Paul, she even gets your grass."
    Now I understand how John could make that Yoko Ono thing last.

  13. You said, "Goodbye."
    Now I say, "HELL NO!"

  14. Jojo was a man who said he was a woman
    When he boinked another man.
    The former Mrs. Jojo said he's got it coming
    From Arskovitz & Moran.
    Get back! Get back! Get back at least 100 yards!

  15. Will you depose me,
    Will you just hose me,
    When I'm 64?

  16. Ooh, then you suddenly ditch me.
    Ooh, now I've got to enrich you
    Every single day of my life.
    Got to get you out of my life!

  17. .deb ni ysuol saw lauP
    .deb ni ysuol saw lauP

  18. Busted marriage, money spent.
    Got no future, just torment.
    All the cash withdrawn, nowhere to go.
    Lawyer's got me by the sack.
    By Monday morning, jury's back.
    The house belongs to her, nowhere to go.
    And oh, that homeless feeling... nowhere to go.

  19. Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be.
    Since that gold-digger castrated me.

  20. You say you want a dissolution, well, you know,
    We both know this marriage blows.
    But when it comes to retribution, well, you know,
    I'll soon be paying through the nose.

  21. Uniformed bailiffs appear at the door,
    Coming to drag you away.
    Look for the girl with your balls in her hand and she's gone.
    Lucy got your jewels and diamonds.
    Lucy got your jewels and diamonds.
    Arghhhhhhh!

  22. There goes old Heather, she goes sneakin' and fakin'.
    She got dollar eyesight, she one bad ballbreaker.
    She got lawyers crawling on their knees.
    Better grab your wallet, 'cause it's gonna get squeezed.
    Come together, right now... in courtroom 3.

  23. Hey, you've got to hide your 401(k).

  24. Golden ingots fill your eyes.
    Piles await you as your prize.
    Sue, little darling, don't be shy.
    And I will kiss my loot goodbye.

  25. Oh, my lawyer will tell you something,
    I hope you'll understand.
    You can keep the homes and autos...
    I wanna own your band!

  26. Day after day, he's over the hill.
    A man with big wads of cash, but as for brains, he's got nil.
    And nobody wants to know him,
    They can see that he's just a fool.
    First he let Linda sing some backup,
    Now Heather's got him by tool.

  27. I'm licking a ho when my wife walks in.
    I just can't stop philandering.
    Now she will go-o.

  28. When my penis gets me into trouble,
    Lawyer Marty comes to me,
    Speaking words of wisdom... for a fee.

  29. I once had a wife, or should I say, she once had me.
    She showed me her leg, it looked so real, Norwegian steel.

    and the Number 1 Beatles Lyric About Divorce...

  30. Sitting in a courtroom, waiting for the judge to come.
    Cough up all your assets, stupid bloody cheater,
    Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your zipper down.
    I am the plaintiff. You're the defendant.
    He's my attorney. OOH, OOH, YOU'RE SCREWED!





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Selected from 148 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Pam Wylder, Bloomington, IL -- 1, 22 (23rd #1)
  • Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX -- 2
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Rex Meredith, Palm Springs, CA -- 4, 5
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 5 Hall of Famer
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- 6, Banner Tag
  • Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 6
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, 11 Hall of Famer
  • Wayne Kierstead, West Linn, OR -- 8, 19
  • Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA -- 9
  • Matt Moore, Fresno, CA -- 10
  • Gretchen Stille, Brookfield, IL -- 12
  • Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO -- 13, 28
  • John J. Brassil, Nashville, TN -- 14
  • Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 15
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 16
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 17 Hall of Famer
  • Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 18 Website
  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 20
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 21
  • Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 23
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 24
  • Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 25
  • Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 26
  • Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA -- 27
  • Yoram Puius, New York, NY -- 29
  • David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 29
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 30
  • Mark Schmidt, Paris, France -- Topic Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Eric Carmen, Cleveland, OH -- Ambience   (explanation)

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