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First published in The Omaha Review in 1982.
September 10, 1996

The Top 5 Signs You're in the Wrong Religion

    1. That special announcement saying that your leader, the God Who Walks Among Men, finally got his G.E.D.

    2. "Sinner of the Week" eligible for valuable prizes.

    3. Constant fear that the elders will discover the laptop you've got squirreled away in the buggy shed.

    4. Frequency of circumcision increased from once in a lifetime to once a year.

      and the Number 1 Sign You're in the Wrong Religion...

    5. Communion performed with tortilla chips and a shot of Cuervo.

There are no Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 132 submissions by 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Gail Celio, E. Lansing, MI -- 1 (2nd #1)
  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 2
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA -- 3
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 4
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 5
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA -- Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- Listmeister

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Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.