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"That's no moon. It's a humor list."
May 27, 2005

The Top 25 Differences Between
Star Wars and Star Trek

    1. Star Trek: cardboard sets.
      Star Wars: cardboard actors.

    2. Star Trek fans sit in front of televisions watching reruns.
      Star Wars fans sit in front of theaters that won't even be showing the film.

    3. Darth Vader needs the Force to make people gag.
      William Shatner merely acts.

    4. Some Trekkies are now old enough to have moved from their parents' basement to the retirement home basement.

    5. Lots of fans can speak Klingon, but only losers speak Wookiee.

    6. Star Trek: The bad guys are thinly disguised non-Americans.
      Star Wars: The bad guys are thinly disguised Americans.

    7. Star Wars: buns on the head.
      Star Trek: buns in the uniform.

    8. Luke: "Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock." C-3PO: "Not really, sir. Time travel and teleportation are more of a 'Trek' thing."

    9. Lightsabers are powered by D cells, while phasers take a 9-volt.

    10. Gene Roddenberry was a legendary pioneer of thought-provoking, futuristic science fiction.
      George Lucas created Jar Jar Binks.

    11. Spock puts the TP on so it rolls over the top, whereas Vader likes it to roll underneath.

    12. Wookiees and Ewoks vs. Tribbles and toupees.

    13. Substantially harder to hand-make a Chewbacca Halloween costume than a Bones McCoy.

    14. Besides the advantage of no one recognizing you, wearing the Stormtrooper costume keeps that parents'-basement skin pasty white!

    15. Star Trek: Everybody likes Seven of Nine.
      Star Wars: Nobody likes I of VI, or II of VI for that matter.

    16. Shatner wears a girdle, but Jabba lets it all hang out.

    17. Star Wars has the mystical power of the Force to lend gravitas to the adventure, but Star Trek has the mystical power of chicks with bigger hooters.

    18. Star Wars: Captain Solo always has a Wookiee at his side.
      Star Trek: Captain Kirk always has nookie on the side.

    19. In one, you live long and prosper. In the other, you live large and profit.

    20. Star Wars fans don't refuse to honor the restraining order if it's not translated into Klingon.

    21. Captain Kirk always says, "To infinity and beyond!"
      Darth Vader always says, "The Force is like a box of chocolates."

    22. If Jar Jar Binks were on "Trek," Scotty would've given him a red shirt and beamed him down to a hostile planet during the opening credits.

    23. Hard-core Star Wars fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade lightsabers.
      Hard-core Star Trek fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade tricorders.

    24. Harrison Ford doesn't need to call 911 to ask if he should get his wife from the bottom of the pool.

      and the Number 1 Difference Between Star Wars and Star Trek...

    25. I have no idea. And that, fanboy, is why *I* am not a virgin.

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Selected from 119 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 1, 6, 22 (40th #1/Hat trick!) Website / Hall of Famer
  • Paul Monne, Brantford, ON, Canada -- 2, 21 (ClubTop5!)
  • Danny Gallagher, Tyler, TX -- 3 Website
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 4 Hall of Famer
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 4 Website
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Hall of Famer
  • Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX -- 7
  • Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 8
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 9
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 10
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 11, 23 Hall of Famer
  • Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 12, 19 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 13
  • Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 14
  • Stephanie Shiner Thompson, Brainerd, MN -- 15
  • Curtis Stoddard, Milwaukie, OR -- 16, 24
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 17 Hall of Famer
  • James Floyd, San Diego, CA -- 18 (ClubTop5!)
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA -- 19 Hall of Famer
  • Kevin Van Houten, The Colony, TX -- 20 (ClubTop5!)
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 25
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Drivin' N' Cryin', Atlanta, GA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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