"That's no moon. It's a humor list."
May 27, 2005
The Top 25 Differences Between
Star Wars and Star Trek
- Star Trek: cardboard sets.
Star Wars: cardboard actors.
- Star Trek fans sit in front of televisions watching reruns.
Star Wars fans sit in front of theaters that won't even be showing the film.
- Darth Vader needs the Force to make people gag.
William Shatner merely acts.
- Some Trekkies are now old enough to have moved from their parents' basement to the retirement home basement.
- Lots of fans can speak Klingon, but only losers speak Wookiee.
- Star Trek: The bad guys are thinly disguised non-Americans.
Star Wars: The bad guys are thinly disguised Americans.
- Star Wars: buns on the head.
Star Trek: buns in the uniform.
- Luke: "Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock." C-3PO: "Not really, sir. Time travel and teleportation are more of a 'Trek' thing."
- Lightsabers are powered by D cells, while phasers take a 9-volt.
- Gene Roddenberry was a legendary pioneer of thought-provoking, futuristic science fiction.
George Lucas created Jar Jar Binks.
- Spock puts the TP on so it rolls over the top, whereas Vader likes it to roll underneath.
- Wookiees and Ewoks vs. Tribbles and toupees.
- Substantially harder to hand-make a Chewbacca Halloween costume than a Bones McCoy.
- Besides the advantage of no one recognizing you, wearing the Stormtrooper costume keeps that parents'-basement skin pasty white!
- Star Trek: Everybody likes Seven of Nine.
Star Wars: Nobody likes I of VI, or II of VI for that matter.
- Shatner wears a girdle, but Jabba lets it all hang out.
- Star Wars has the mystical power of the Force to lend gravitas to the adventure, but Star Trek has the mystical power of chicks with bigger hooters.
- Star Wars: Captain Solo always has a Wookiee at his side.
Star Trek: Captain Kirk always has nookie on the side.
- In one, you live long and prosper. In the other, you live large and profit.
- Star Wars fans don't refuse to honor the restraining order if it's not translated into Klingon.
- Captain Kirk always says, "To infinity and beyond!"
Darth Vader always says, "The Force is like a box of chocolates."
- If Jar Jar Binks were on "Trek," Scotty would've given him a red shirt and beamed him down to a hostile planet during the opening credits.
- Hard-core Star Wars fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade lightsabers.
Hard-core Star Trek fans are all overweight, unattractive, diabetic virgins who spend their free time and money building homemade tricorders.
- Harrison Ford doesn't need to call 911 to ask if he should get his wife from the bottom of the pool.
and the Number 1 Difference Between Star Wars and Star Trek...
- I have no idea. And that, fanboy, is why *I* am not a virgin.
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Selected from 119 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 1, 6, 22 (40th #1/Hat trick!) Website / Hall of Famer
- Paul Monne, Brantford, ON, Canada -- 2, 21 (ClubTop5!)
- Danny Gallagher, Tyler, TX -- 3 Website
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 4 Website
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 Hall of Famer
- Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX -- 7
- Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ -- 8
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 9
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 10
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 11, 23 Hall of Famer
- Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 12, 19 Website / Hall of Famer
- Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 13
- Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 14
- Stephanie Shiner Thompson, Brainerd, MN -- 15
- Curtis Stoddard, Milwaukie, OR -- 16, 24
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 17 Hall of Famer
- James Floyd, San Diego, CA -- 18 (ClubTop5!)
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA -- 19 Hall of Famer
- Kevin Van Houten, The Colony, TX -- 20 (ClubTop5!)
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 25
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Drivin' N' Cryin', Atlanta, GA -- Ambience (explanation)
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