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April 3, 1997

The Top 5 Ways Your Life Would Change
If Your Tongue Were Two Feet Long

    1. When picking nose, can "cut out the middle man."

    2. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin' picnic basket!

    3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.

    4. Your previously neglected navel would suddenly be your second-cleanest body part.

      and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change If Your Tongue Were Two Feet Long...

    5. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you can't help but question her motives.

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Selected from 147 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Anna Chin-Williams, Oakland, CA -- 1 (1st #1!)
  • Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA -- 2, Topic
  • Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR -- 2
  • Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT -- 3
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4, Topic
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 5
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor

Top5 Bomb

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