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March 11, 1997

The Top 5 Signs You're
Being Stalked by Martha Stewart

    1. Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.

    2. That telltale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl.

    3. The sharpened macaroni shells underfoot in the bathroom are stained to match the shower curtain.

    4. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.

      and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart...

    5. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

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Selected from 126 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 1, Topic (2nd #1)
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA -- 2
  • Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA -- 3
  • Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK -- 4
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA -- 5

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